The Improvements Have Begun!

Before I begin this post, I need to post a disclaimer- I have gone over and over this post in my head for weeks. Just how much do I tell, how much do I keep to myself. Just as I have stated before, I believe that it is most important to be honest. Therefore, I am going to, yet again, put it all out there. I am about to share some very personal information. Some people might think this information embarrassing or "too much". Especially the  men that I know or even some of the teachers and parents of students that I teach. So I am letting you know now, if you are easily embarrassed, don't want to think about  me as a "woman" or just like the version of me you know now, you  might want to close this screen and not read on!

So here goes- If you have read my blog from the beginning, you know that in 2002, weighing 280 pounds, I had gastric bypass surgery. At that time, my eating had gotten completely out of control and I had tried diet after diet. I decided that this was the best option for me at the time. I am still glad that I had the procedure. In the next year, I lost down to 150 pounds. Of course you all know that with that kind of weight loss, things don't always return to the proportions and sizes that they were pre-weight gain. So, as I lost, I developed skin that was stretched to the point that it would not EVER return to its original shape. While I gained extra skin around the middle that I didn't want, I lost tissue above it that I would have preferred to keep. I pretty much knew that I was going to have some sort of corrective surgery in order to ever feel normal in these areas but I felt like I had messed up what God had created by gaining the weight and I should do everything I could to correct it before I would allow myself to pay anyone else to get it done. So I made a rule- I must create and maintain and healthy lifestyle and work out for a year before I could even think about having anything done. I felt that this would assure me that I had done all I could do.

Fast forward 9 years- I had started and quit working out and eating right at least a hundred times! At 9 years post op, I weighed 178 pounds, which is not bad but I did NOT like it! I was going to be 40 in 9 months and I was determined not to turn 40 fat, unhealthy and out of shape. So- I got serious! I joined Weight Watchers, I started getting up at 4:30 and working out and started getting in shape! This time I did not quit. I was determined. About March, I hit a slump and that is just the time that ACE came into our lives. Of course you have read the post on how ACE helped me surpass my plateau.

I finally hit my goal of 140! I always wanted to be 140 because I could say I had lost half of myself! lol The problem was that the more I lost, even though I was working hard, the more loose skin I developed and the less tissue I had in the other area that had become a problem. That is when Donald and I decided it was time to consult a professional. We researched and talked to people and found Dr Kevin O'Brien. I made an appointment. We went for a consultation.

I went into the consultation thinking that I needed some skin removed from my abdomen and a breast lift. Dr. O'Brien informed me that I would need a full tummy tuck and in order to have any size at all, I would need implants. This was quite a shock to me. I did not want implants! I just wanted what I had put back where they were supposed to be! He said that if I did just the lift, I would probably end up being an A cup size! What! I had lost that much tissue! As far as the tummy tuck goes, it seems that even though I had been working my butt off, I still had fatty tissue on my abdomen that would have to be removed before I would have any semblance of a flat tummy. He did say that the more muscle I had underneath there, the less repair he would have to do on my muscles which would make for an easier recovery. So I left with a lot to think about about the alterations that he was suggesting I have on my body.

The we went to the financial secretaries office and I got another shock! I knew that most gastric bypass surgery had had at least part of their corrective surgery covered by insurance. Well, it seems that by making my little rule, I had proven to myself that I had done all I could do to improve my body but it had prevented my insurance from covering ANYTHING! I had worked out just enough that while I still needed the procedures, I did not have "droopage" for my insurance to find surgery necessary. So I would have to be responsible for the entire procedure. Guess what- It AINT cheap! So we left with more to think about, pray about, ponder and decide.

First of all, Donald knew that this was something that I really wanted and he said that we would find a way to do it. The fact is, I did not feel comfortable taking money from the household account to do something that I felt was not necessary but simply desired. So I prayed about it, searched my heart and really struggled with this decision. I knew I would not be able to do it in the summer like I had planned because there was no way that I could come up with the money even if I decided to do it.

Then, after Donald had much success with ACE, my ACE business began to take off. I began putting it all in what we now know as the "improvement account". I made an appointment for 6 months away and we decided that if the Lord was willing and we were able to put the money back using only money that was made as "extra" money I would do it. Then----- in November, we reached the number. I can not say that all of it was ACE money but MOST of it was. Donald worked some extra at times and we put that in there but I can truly say that the opportunity that I have had with my ACE business has helped make my dreams and goals come true.

I gotta tell ya that I have struggled with this decision. Am I being selfish? Carnal? There are so many other "good" things that could be done with that money. I don't want to be known as "the teacher who had the boob job". I have a lot of wonderfully supportive people in my life who have helped me reconcile myself with this decision. I am doing this for my peace of mind and my comfort. I will be having my procedures December 17th. I asked that you pray for me and my family during my time of recovery. I pray that I might be an inspiration to someone who has struggled with many of the same issues. I hope that with my business with Saba and ACE, I can help many others get to the place where they might have to make the same decision.

The thing I hate the most (besides the knowledge that I am going to have a painful recovery that I have put on myself) is that I ended up having to take off 9 days from school. When I first scheduled this surgery, we had a different calendar and I would have only missed 3 days but this is the way it worked out. I know that they will be well taken care of but I hate to leave my babies that long.

I know that you have noticed that there are no pictures in this post. I did decide to share it all with you but have decided against before and after pictures on this blog. Mostly for modesty sake. I am a child of God, a mother, wife, daughter and kindergarten teacher. I can't imagine that even after everything is done that I will wear a bikini and I hope to still honor God with my clothing choices. So I am choosing not to post pictures because, I would have to be immodest in order for you to see the extent of the damage. I will, however, have them. I will document the progress for myself and if you believe that seeing them would help you with some sort of similar struggle, I would not mind sharing those with you. Just ask. I just don't feel comfortable putting them out there for all to see.

If you read all the way through this long post, thank you! I know it was long but it was an important one for me. If you have something to share, please feel free to leave a comment. If I can do anything for you, please let me know. I would love to hear from you!